I remember the moment I first realized my back was pretty bad - the spasms got so bad that I had to lay down on my side and cry. It was the middle of a work day but I could not physically support the trunk of my body for another moment, the discomfort hit a level and my legs felt weak from all of it. It was awful but cathartic. It’s been over a year since that experience and I am doing much better, but learned some valuable lessons I really wished I had learned before.
My job is bad for my health
When I was a kid, I spent a summer working road construction. My job title is every bit as glamourous as the job itself - I was a rock picker. I earned that title through sheer incompetence as my ability to operate heavy machinery was such that it was better for everyone involved if I just walked aimlessly up and down the road and removed large rocks from the gravel pack. Walking up and down a highway under construction from 6am to 9am on a ten on and four off schedule really changed how I look at work. Software development is so cushy in comparison that I ignored how much damage it does to my body.
My posture is brutal, to the point that several bosses or clients have commented on it. I’m very very frugal (cheap is a better word) and when I started consulting and working primarily from home, I decided I would keep my home office extremely minimal and never start splurging. Letting my posture stay awful and using low end office equipment was an absolutely awful mistake that I wish I could take back.
Walking rules
I run compulsively (maybe a little too compulsively but that’s a topic for another article). But I run extremely slowly so it all balances out and I’ll never run out of new places to run. But my love of running and the competitive feelings it fuels took away time from walking. And when I stopped walking, I kind of forgot how wonderful long walks are.
Running helps me think and so it felt like a good replacement for walking. But I actually think differently when I run versus when I walk. When I run, my thinking is as ordered as my run plan. Everything is about pace and when I do bigger distances, keeping myself hydrated and fueled enough to complete the distance. Note that I say ‘fueled up’ and not fed. I’m not trying to be an annoying runner fuck, it’s just that the kinds of foods I eat when I run a long distance are to food as a donkey is to a Porsche 911. Consider energy gels. At the best of times, an energy gel is overly sweet jello. But when you actually take one, your body heat has warmed it up so you’re basically shooting hot jello straight into your mouth. Sorry for that diatribe, I’ll return you to your regularly scheduled article.
When I walk, I don’t have to think about pace and worry about having enough energy to run my run as I planned it. I don’t have to meticulously plan when I’ll eat and drink, or worry that the sketchy discount energy gels will make the term ‘holy shit’ a reasonable concern. I can relax and be creative. Walking rules - it’s totally different from running but just as worth it.
My kid is the best
One of these days, I’ll actually write her name online but for now I’ll just refer to her as the eight year old. But the eight year old is quite genuinely the best person I have ever met. I am obviously quite biased but you know, when I was at the peak of my own battle, she was just the best person to hang out with. She would sit in bed with me and animate flipbooks for hours, or just come for a cuddle. We still did stuff, but she always understood that my back would occasionally be a problem and we would have to leave. She is kind, generous, caring and compassionate.
As kind of an interesting side effect, since I couldn’t be as active as we usually are, we spent a lot of time at home together. And just like during the pandemic, she blossomed with some solid one on one time. This time though, her interest in strategy and software both mutually blossomed. She got deep into chess and learned enough Javascript to write a method to click a button on a napkin in an airplane. Now, she beats the heck out of me in chess and kind of wants to start working with Unity this summer.
She’s a kind, generous person with a very big, extremely active brain. I love her so much.
Cats are good
In October, the kid and I adopted a cat. Her name is Spicy (that cat, not my kid). Spicy had had a rough go of it - she had been a stray, showed some signs of some abuse and was quite malnourished when we adopted her. But it was love at first sight. In fact, she’s currently sitting on my knee while I write this.
If you’re not familiar with cats, this sentence will concern you. But Spicy is the most loving and emotionally advanced murderous dictator I have ever lived under. Make no mistake - if she weighed 20 more kilograms, I would be in serious danger because she is a natural hunter. When she wants something or feels that I haven’t appropriately taken care of her needs, she absolutely lets me know. But she is loving, caring and extremely advanced emotionally. This sounds insane, but when the spasms were at their worst, Spicy could cuddle up to me, purr and help me relax them. She is honestly as good as a muscle relaxant without the drowsiness.
With all respect to your cats (tell them I say ps ps), Spicy is the best cat ever. A few months after we got her, we had to have her spayed, there were complications and she almost didn’t make it. Having to care for my kitty really pushed me to regain a lot of lost flexibility. Best cat ever. One of the toughest parts (for me) of recovering from my issue was remembering that I could be flexible. It had been so long that I kind of forgot and got into some movement habits. But looking after Spicy really snapped me out of them.
I’m old
I’m not ‘old’ but I am old enough that ‘just walk it off’ doesn’t always work for me. Instead I’m at that age where sometimes ‘walk it off…straight to a doctor’ is actually the most sound advice. Had I caught this earlier and started work, I may have suffered less. From now on, I see medical professionals instead of walking things off. “See a doctor” would be a better heading, but being self deprecating has been a really key survival strategy for me.
Laugh
I think this is the most important one of all. I eluded to it above - my self deprecating sense of humour was a really key strategy for me to get through everything. Laughing at myself and my predicament was really good medicine. From noticing that I walked “like a 105 year old on ice” to being as “flexible as an icicle”, being able to poke fun at myself kept my moods from getting really dark.
For me, self deprecation did two things. First and most importantly, it reminded me of how funny my situation was. It was bad, but my choice was to either laugh or wallow. I chose to laugh. Second, it reminded me that I wasn’t like this and don’t necessarily have to stay like this. Doctors are very good at what they do and people do recover.
Conclusion
And that’s it! After reading my lead, you might be wondering where number ten is. There isn’t one - I just find those articles really hilarious and want to make fun of them as much as possible. Good luck and I genuinely wish you the best of health and the strongest of backs.